Thursday, November 21, 2013
Cassadee Pope - Wasting All These Tears
My son who is 14 and is suffering from depression and sadly is really struggling for his life as we watch helplessly trying to help him but I too am struggling with depression and just started transitioning to become female as I lived with this internal struggle since the age of 4 and I too attempted suicide and wonder how I am still living. I am still a "dad" to my son and my son still as he should refer to me as his dad and calls me by my birth name which is still my name, Eddie. I however use as an aka (also known as) Emily as my male to female transgender name. I also recently attempted suicide at age 52 on June 19 and have been in 3 different psychiatric hospitals since April 9, 2013 when I collapsed at work from all my struggles coming at me all the same time and I was in desperate need of help.
My recovery is still ongoing and I am facing forclosure, losing our son because we may wind up homeless in the winter and I felt the only way to protect my wife and son and end my pain was to take it to protect my wife and son from being homeless. When you are desperate and feel all hope is lost this is naturally always in the back of your mind. My dad took his life 4 years ago by leaping into the path of a speeding train. The only thing now that keeps me going is knowing my son needs me even though i now present as Emily which is how I feel most comfortable. It is not easy and beleive me if you kept this you "big secret" for 50 years and still managed to live a somewhat normal life then there must be a reason for me to go on especially now as i live 24/7 as Emily but if my son struggles and is unhappy how can I ever be happy. If my son does not get through this I know I won't either. We both need each other to survive and that is why I must be strong.
The only things I have now that helps me is my need to advocate for my son, for autism, for suicide awareness, for myself, my wife, my son and my parents for depression and for myself and the transgender community. My way of doing this is by my writings and my youtube videos. If I didn't have that I feel I would not be having this opportunity to write and share and express my appreciation for such wonderful music artists as Cassadee Pope and Hey Monday.
I am healing as is my son and it will take a long time but if I continue to advocate for my son, write and express my love and respect for others maybe things will get better.
Emily breaks down for her son who is uppermost in her mind
One can only hope.
I wish to share this section for Cassadee Pope, her music and how she helped a "father" and son form a bond through something as simple as a song in a youtube video my son showed me. The rest is history as i have been a friend of Cassadee ever since. Here she shines in her wonderful performance on the 3rd season of The TV show, The Voice.
Emily on Google+
Cassadee Pope featured with Band Hey Monday on my Hubpages