Saturday, November 23, 2013

Emily speaking on her life, family and friends

                                              Emily speaking on son's autism

I'm concerned for my 14 year old son who is autistic and is in hospital for severe depression and a suicide attempt and I am currently not working myself as I had a "nervous breakdown" as a result of my recent job loss in April 2013 which landed me in 4 hospitals over the last 6 months and I am also transitioning from male to female having struggled with it since the age of 4 and I too sadly have attempted suicide.

I can tell you I am a "good" person but most people say who cares? You know something. I care. My life is not so "pretty" but it is my life and I must try my best to live it for me, now Emily, once Ed; for my son who needs me and for my wife. Life is not perfect nor are we but what is inside of us is a representation of who we are and that is all we need to know and strive for.
My situation now is quite dire and my future uncertain but I am really trying to get through my adversities one by one and will share my story with you so at least you can get to know a little bit about me and why right now is difficult for me as I am dealing with life and death issues and my son and my lives are hanging in the balance. A job to me does not have the same meaning as it once did as I have come to understand what is most important in life.

I was out last night with wonderful people who I have not seen in a very long time out of their love, compassion and true heartfelt concern for me because of my recent hardships and my recent postings on Facebook.

These wonderful people were my high school classmates of the John F. Kennedy High school class of 1979, mostly girls, I mean lovely young ladies, whom I must say made me feel accepted, loved and that my life has meaning and despite all my recent hardships I have to continue for my son and my family. They appreciate me for who I am and reserve no judgement of me. They say I still am the "nice" person I always was back in high school but now they also add that I am also very pretty which really touched me because of the life long struggle I lived with of identifying as a "girl".

My coach from my cross country days was there as well who means the world to me as he made me believe in my self back in high school when I was just this clumsy and very shy kid who could not say a word and although I had crushes on many of the girls back then like Rachel, Janet, Beth and so many others I could never overcome my shyness to even say "hi, I like you" to them.

Coach, Alan J Berkowsky made me first believe in myself when no one else did, not even myself, as he helped transform this shy, sad, introverted and loner type kid into a young "man" who learned that by simply trying and putting forth your best effort even if it falls short in a competition is all that is expected of you. You first have to try though because if you never try you will never know and that is one of life's most important lessons he taught me. He taught me many things and I often wondered if one day I could ever have the opportunity to see him again to shake his hand, embrace him and say thank you for saving me.

He really made such an impact in my life. He was truly my savior. If not for my dear coach I may not be here today. Despite my recent struggles, Coach saved my life and he never even knew that but I did. I could not disappoint my coach so I listened to him intently and followed everything he told me. He truly is very special to me and I really admire him and am so grateful to him for being a very big part of my life when I was struggling and needed someone to help and guide me and there he was. My coach, my savior, my mentor, my friend for life like so many others who came to be with me for the evening.
I saw my best friend from high school who came from the Bronx who knows what it is like to raise an autistic child and who accepts me as Emily Iannielli but still refers to me as "little eddie" a nickname he gave me which stuck throughout my high school days and throughout my life.

The beautiful thing about life which I learned last night which touched me and made me feel so happy was being invited to a party at a restaurant by a former classmate who arranged it to help lift my spirits as we dined among some former classmates, mostly girls and my cross country coach which made me smile and understand how we touch others and how we all make an impact on one another. I know my coach made a big impact for me and made me start to believe in myself. I was so happy to see such wonderful caring people who truly touched my heart and embraced me as Emily. I was never so happy in all my life; with the exception of my wedding day and the birth of my son; I just wanted to cry then and there. I now know what it is like to touch someone and to also be touched by someone. I also am now happy to say that I have more "girlfriends" from my high school days today then I ever did when I was a shy and lonely kid back in high school but was lucky because I had a coach who believed in me and saved my life. I realized something which I am saying lightheartedly but I truly mean it which is that I felt blessed to know and see how many girls came to spend time with me to help cheer me up. They really touched me in such a big way and they even complimented me on how I looked, on my dress I was wearing and they embraced me immediately as Emily. I am so lucky to have such wonderful caring high school friends in my life.

Now as the new me, Emily

I must tell you that once you meet me you will never forget me as I am quite unique. I'm not saying that in a way to be misinterpreted as being smug. In fact I am most certainly as humble as one can be.

I am certainly happy to have my wife and son hoping that our circumstances will change for the better and I hope and pray that I will be accepted more and more as a female, as Emily. I also would love to develop life long friendships with each and every one of you whether you were there or tried to be there or just was thinking of me, I am truly grateful and deeply touched as you all made me realize the value of our lives even when we feel hopeless and think that by ending our own pain by our own hand is the answer. The life we have been given is a gift with a purpose and we may as well enjoy it. We must try to enjoy living it while we are still here despite the setbacks and imposing hardships because I learned something also very special. I learned I have so many friend who care about me and I am still here alive to appreciate it rather than viewing it from a distance at my funeral which would be quite honorable but also very tragic.

Bette Middler's
From a distance

              Emily with her new first ever female hairstyle, highlights and the royal treatment

     Emily on Transgender Remembrance Day
         My son Matty, so innocent before all his painful struggles of late, I just want to cry.
                                           Emily showing her pain and love for her son
                              Emily, a voice for her son, autism and transgender community

Emily speaking from the heart
Emily speaking from the heart continued

Emily on About me where she shares her story to let others know it is ok to be "different"
My about me page tells my life story with links and paints a portrait of Emily, her life and all those important to her.

Ed on About Me (Pre-Emily)
This is my about me page before my transition from male to female as Ed. Now i am living as Emily 24/7.

I Love you all,

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